This Phone Will Change Your Life

A work of informed speculative fiction

It was 2019, and after three solid years with my phone, I dropped it one night at a bar, cracking its bottom-right edge. As I gazed into its blank screen, I noticed a haggard, aging face staring back at me. What was I, if not the newness of my device? Who would want me if I looked as ragged as my phone?

Luckily it was the fall, when all the device manufacturers released their latest models. The hottest thing that year was a phone whose camera had seven lenses, or “chakras” as they were called, since the camera is the spiritual body of the phone. As I stared at the phone’s marketing photos — pictures of dogs with bowties, multiracial friend groups, and couples frolicking in autumn leaves — I realized that phones were basically cloud storage for happiness. I needed this phone. Plus, wouldn’t the chakras help me take a better Tinder profile pic?

I bought the phone in Sunshine Yellow, which I thought was a great way to make a statement about finding hope during dark times. By dark times, I mean the fact that our president was pushing our country to the brink of social collapse. And also, that I hadn’t had a boyfriend in two years. But I expected the new camera would soon fix that.