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Nerd Processor
The Star Wars Disney Theme Park Is a Little Too Authentic
Disneyland’s newest addition is a nerd paradise that plays out like an interactive theater nightmare
When I was young, the idea of an amusement park based entirely around Star Wars would have been paradise on Earth. Now that I’m 42, Disney has actually created Galaxy’s Edge, and I… well, I still desperately want to go. But I’m also very, very afraid of what I’m going to find there.
If you’re unaware, Galaxy’s Edge is the newest addition to Disneyland, a giant, 14-acre theme park based entirely around the Star Wars franchise. Calling it a theme park may actually be misleading, as it’s supposed to be a true immersive experience, as if you’re actually being transported to the universe of the movies. What this means is there isn’t a spinning teacup ride where all the cups are Darth Vader helmets, or even a roller coaster where all the cars are made up like Star Wars spaceships. It’s much more intense.
When you enter Galaxy’s Edge, you are actually entering the Black Spire, a remote trading outpost on the planet Batuu, which is situated on the Outer Rim of the Star Wars galaxy. It’s not something you’ve seen in the movies, but a new location created for the park (and already a very official part of the franchise’s canon). The food has Star Wars-ian names, so if you’re hungry for chicken tenders, you have to ask for “Endorian Tip-Yip.” There’s so much verisimilitude that even the piles of merchandise for sale are made to look like they were made in a galaxy far, far away. If you’re a Star Wars fan of any age, it sounds just about perfect.
It’s the “just about” part that’s killing me.
Imagine the most delicious cake in the world, a birthday cake that you’ve been anticipating for weeks. As you’re just about to shovel that first perfect bite into your mouth, you see it — a single fly inside, having flown into the batter at some point. You could easily eat around it, and scarf down the other fly-free 98% of this incredible cake… but you’re not going to do that. The cake has been tainted.
If you’re a Star Wars fan of any age, it sounds just about perfect.
