The Climate Commencement Speech Our College Grads Deserve
We’ve handed our children a nightmare, and it’s time to tell them the truth
Good afternoon to the graduating class of 2019! Wow. You did it.
To the administration and faculty, to the parents and friends, and to the many distinguished guests joining us today, thank you so much for being here.
As you may have heard, Colorado College booked Oprah Winfrey for commencement this year. Wayne State had Jack White. Bard got Jamaica Kincaid.
You guys… Well, you got me. Sorry. Welcome to the real world.
In any case, here you are. You worked hard, wrestled with new and challenging ideas, made lifelong friends. You overcame formidable obstacles. You formed study groups, crammed for finals, pulled all-nighters, and when the going got really tough, you dipped into your roommate’s Adderall. You did what you had to do, and in the end, you pulled it off, making you part of the roughly 60% of American college students who manage to graduate. And now, here you sit. Congratulations!
Let’s hear it for the parents, too. Give it up. Candidates, I hope you appreciate these folks. Just think about what they did to get you here. Many of them, I know, scrimped and saved for years. Some hired…
