How I Learned to Stop Hating Video Dating

Lots of things are bad right now. But dating in pajama pants is not one of them.

Emily J. Smith
OneZero

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Hand holding a heart in front of a bright yellow virtual background.
Photo: Aitor Diago/Getty Images

TThey say if you do something enough, you’re an expert at it, and I take a bit of pride in my mastery of first dates. Not that they are always good or that I always give or get a second, but I can feel people out fairly easily and adapt accordingly. I can read a room decently enough and come up with questions beyond the standard fare. Because my own fear of rejection makes it physically painful to see rejection in others, I laugh generously and appear interested (within reason). I know my way around a first date.

Enter the global pandemic. I’m staying home, as we all should, and video has become the way of the world. That includes dating. So last week, I scheduled my first video date. I’d matched with this man on the app I founded where friends swipe for friends. Not only was I excited to go out with someone from my own app; seven of my friends had matched me with him. There was a consensus that we were a good fit, and from what I could tell, I thought so too.

But before it started, my pre-date anxiety peaked like it hadn’t in years.

Video has always weirded me out. As a xennial, the concept of video as a kid was limited to playing around with my dad’s old…

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Emily J. Smith
OneZero

Writer and tech professional. My debut novel, NOTHING SERIOUS, is out Feb '25 from William Morrow / HarperCollins (more at emjsmith.com).