Nerd Processor
E.T. Is Secretly the Scariest Movie of All Time
Steven Spielberg didn’t create the universe’s most beloved alien. He created a nightmare.
Yes, the much-anticipated Halloween reboot recently murdered its competition at the box office. But I regret to inform you that Michael Myers is not the most frightening monster in cinema. No, it’s not Friday the 13th’s Jason, nor Freddy of Elm Street infamy. Nor is it the Alien and Predator of Alien and Predator (respectively), Jack Nicholson in The Shining, Regan in The Exorcist, or any other traditional movie monster. I’m not afraid of any of them. That’s because I have seen the horrid, shriveled face of true cinematic evil and the inhuman, glowing finger that accompanied it.
I do not like E.T. No, check that: I loathe E.T. I hate E.T. to the core of my being. If I came home one day to find my family brutally murdered, E.T. covered in their blood, and using said blood to write “ROB BRICKEN IS AN ASSHOLE” on the wall, I would not find him more awful than I do already. Yet, somehow, countless others love E.T. His eponymous movie is regarded as one of the best family friendly films ever made, and among Steven Spielberg’s crowning achievements.
I knew E.T. was evil from a very early age.
